HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE?

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have
an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You
don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I
can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I
shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady
behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our
things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so
she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know
how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll
buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She
had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit
card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need
some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you
think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery
to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked."No, just
this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she
was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing
paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told
her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece o paper, put
it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and
the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the
manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise
control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with
their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch
banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my
terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT

Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander
on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy
button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

Two Funnies for Friday

I almost spit out my coffee laughing when I read this!

And then, just when I thought THAT was too funny, THIS STORY comes out about the same girl! (imagine, exploding boobs! *LOL*)

Wackiest Warning Labels Ever


Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."

That warning is the first place winner of the 2004 Wacky Warning Label Contest. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that the fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common sense, sponsors the annual contest for the wackiest warning labels.

"Wacky warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," Robert B. Dorigo Jones, president of the nonprofit Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch group, said in the news release announcing the contest winners. "It used to be that if someone spilled coffee in their lap, they simply called themselves clumsy. Today, too many people are calling themselves an attorney."

Second place: On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."

Third place: On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: "Do not use as a ladder."

Fourth place: A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel hooks advises it is "Harmful if swallowed." Too bad fish can't read!

Previous winners in the "Wacky Warning Label Contest" are presented here for your amusement and amazement:


A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions, "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user: "Remove child before folding."

A bottle of prescription sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."

A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."

An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks."

A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious."

A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."

A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner."

A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."

A label with a hair dryer reads, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping."

A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: "Not intended for highway use."

A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place."

A bathroom heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms."

A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: "May irritate eyes."

A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."

A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution: Risk of Fire."

A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."

"Do not use snow blower on the roof."

"Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."

Ok, this is WAY too funny to even be true. But it is!

Yo, Bubba, you gots you one of these?



Click here to see more.

Looking for Martians? Head to Nebraska

January 13, 2004 (Lincoln, Nebraska) — Nebraskans could soon have a constitutional right to hunt for Martians, and Bigfoot, too, not to mention Osama bin Laden.

Those are just some of the amendments state Senator Ernie Chambers has filed to a bill that would add the right to hunting to the Nebraska constitution.

Chambers isn't serious about hunting Martians in the Cornhuskers state. But his amendments could prove to be a roadblock to passage of the right to hunt constitutional amendment.

Backers of the proposal say it's needed to prevent animal rights activists from ending Nebraska's hunting tradition.

You think it's cold there?



Now this, is cold! *L*
photo courtesy of CarrieG

You KNOW you're a heavy drinker when...

Your water bill is over 7 million dollars!

Go figure.

Psst, buddy.. wanna buy an Aircraft Carrier?

Well, it's GOT to be the most expensive thing EVER sold on Ebay, but there's a 90 million dollar bid, on a REAL AIRCRAFT CARRIER!

Go figure.